Why Do I Miss You So?
by Description
Summary: DEATHLY HALLOWS SPOILERS.Teddy Lupin is alone. He has Harry, the only one who understands his misery. Please read and review. Chapter 3 rewritten.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own it.**

_Why do I miss you so?_

An outsider looking in would think my life is perfect…but I tend to disagree. All they see is the talented boy whose future seems bright. They see me as the son of an auror who helped save the wizarding world…a werewolf who actually made a name for himself…Do they even notice that they're dead? My godfather is the famous Boy Who Lived. "Does having the famous Harry Potter as a godfather make up for the lack of a mum and a dad? Silly question!" They reply to themselves. "Of course it does"….to them. For me…I don't even know what real parents are…

When I was little I was afraid of the monsters under my bed. I was afraid of the dark. But there was never anyone there to hug me and tell me there was nothing to worry about. I couldn't go jump into my parent's bed. I never knew what it felt like to be asleep and on both sides have people that you love.

I love Harry. I've let it slip sometimes and called him Dad. I don't think he minds though. I even saw a small smile creep up his face when I did once. He knows what its like. He grew up an orphan too. Harry understands me. I realized that back when I was four. I was sitting on the park swing and I couldn't get high up into the air, no matter how hard I tried. The children next to me had their parents swinging them. They looked so happy. The dads and their sons, the mothers and their daughters. I had no one. I told Harry I wanted to go home. He stayed quiet for a minute and then asked if I wanted to be pushed on the swing. I was in a bad mood. I just scowled and said no. Harry is stubborn. I've learned that after all these years. He picked me and swung me through the air and I started to laugh. We both did. He put me down and bent down onto his knees. He pulled me real close so only I could hear him. "It's like flying. Lean back on the swing and look up at the skies. There's no one else around you. No one. Just me and you," he whispered into my ear. Harry grabbed my hand and walked me back to the swings. I flew into the skies that day.

That was twelve years ago. I still miss mum and dad. I never get sick of hearing stories of them. Ever. I knew Dad was a werewolf and I would never be ashamed to admit it. Harry once told me that Dad was afraid to marry Mum, afraid that I would turn out like him. If he was here now…I would tell him…tell him there was nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are. Don't change it for anyone.

My mother was beautiful. Everyone says I look just like Dad, except for my the color of my hair. I like keeping it turquoise. I don't change it much, but I've heard Mom used to. Why? James asked me the same thing once. I think it was the first time someone asked me that, and the first time I ever thought about it. I thought about it hard too. The reason-because that's how I looked when Mum and Dad last saw me. It's something small, but something I can't see myself without.

They tell me everything I want to know about Mom and Dad. Everything except one thing. I've asked them exactly how did my parents die? I know they were killed in the war-but it always feels as if they're hiding something. Always. I never ask more because I fear the truth. Do I want to know? Not really, but I think it's time for me to face the truth. I am no longer the little boy who misses his parents. I'm now the boy who wants to know why he has none.

**A/N: This is just an idea that came to me. Tell me what you think. Please review. I'm not sure if I should continue or leave it so...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. **

One question that I have asked myself one too many times is why did they leave me with my grandmother? There were others to fight, yet they chose to leave their first and only child for the scene of battle? Did I mean nothing to them? Did they not realize the risks? Death being the greatest one. Joining the Order was their choice but they went to fight _willingly_. Everyone calls Mum and Dad noble. I'm not even sure if I agree…They were brave yes, but I have long thought of them as selfish. I do love them, even after they have left me, but each day that goes by becomes more painful. Whoever spoke the words "time heals all wounds" never understood the depths of pain, the type of emotional scars that I have received since birth. Life isn't fair, I have learned that. I just never thought it could be so cruel.

They would hate me for saying this, I know they would, but as I grow older, with each year, a resentment grows inside of me towards my parents. The words 'They left me' echo through my head each day. And with each second, I seem to grow angrier. Did I mean absolutely nothing to them? Did I deserve to be left so alone…? I think they thought of me as a burden. Maybe death would have relieved them of the responsibilities of a child. Sometimes I feel they should have just chucked me in an orphanage the day I was born. At least then I wouldn't have known who my parents were. At least then…

I don't know why I'm saying this! I must be mental. How could I say those things about my mother and father! They loved me. Yes they loved me. Of that I am sure and I DO love them. I just need a reason…a reason to explain what they did. Maybe then I won't go around so depressed, but maybe what I hear will further sadden me. Do you now understand why I am afraid to ask about what happened that night? They were all there…but none seem to look me in the eye when I ask, but their faces hold pity. I don't want their pity.

I've never asked Harry though. The reason? Well…whenever someone talks of the Battle, Harry gets quiet. No one notices, but I do. Small things always go unpassed to others about Harry, but I see them. The way he can never look at Uncle George in the eyes, the way he closes his eyes, as to hold back tears when they talk of the Marauders. He wants to forget. They don't understand that Harry holds so much inside him. He opens up when he feels he needs to. Never more. That's why I never asked him. He'll tell me in time, and I know he'll be the one to give me the answers I want.

He calls me Moony Jr. Dad's old nickname. Hearing it always makes me smile. I can't help it. He's the only one uses that, and only when we're alone talking. Grandma calls me Teddy Bear, that always seems to make Harry laugh.

I'm sitting in my room right now. There's a full moon out, and I think of Dad. I see the stars and I think of Mum. A tear trickles down my face. I don't bother to wipe it away. "I miss you," I whisper.

"Of course you do." It's Harry who says this. I make to wipe away my tears, but he tells me, "It hurts not to cry." I think the time for answers has come.

**A/N: Ok. this is for all the good reviews I got yesterday. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue, but I did! Hope you guys like it. Answers to come in the next chapter. I know it's depressing, but don't worry, I'm aiming towards a happy ending for Moony Jr.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. **

Harry pulled me into an embrace as I cried, his chin resting on my head. I don't know how long we stood like that, but time didn't matter to me. Why was I feeling so depressed? So weak?

"It's not fair," I whispered to him. Those words were for him to hear, for him to hear alone. There was no one in the house besides Gran, but people are not the only things that can hold secrets.

"And it probably never will be," Harry said to me. So terse, so blunt, so sadly true. "But, that's what makes the good times all the better." I looked up at him, so very much confused. He led me to my bed, where I sat, he stood. "How would you ever know what happiness was if nothing terrible ever happened to you? How would you know to laugh when you felt a surge of joy pass through your body if you had never cried? Would you know, Teddy?" he asked me, seriousness in his voice, masked with grief.

"I wouldn't," I muttered miserably. I hated it when he was right. "But that doesn't mean anything! You can't say anything that can possibly explain why _they_ left me here to suffer without them!" Harry opened his mouth as if to calm me, tell me everything I said was a lie I was telling myself, but I continued yelling. "Oh please don't even try to defend them! They're dead and they should be here! I shouldn't be arguing with my Godfather-I should…" My voice lightened and the words that left my lips were barely audible. "I should be sitting downstairs right now…with them. We'd…we'd all be sitting in the living room, eating dinner together. And then Mom would knock over a glass of butterbeer and Dad…Dad he'd laugh and make some horrible joke about Mum's clumsiness but…we'd laugh anyway. We'd laugh at the smallest things-and there'd be nothing to worry about or cry about, because we were together."

I turned away from Harry. I've cried too much these past few months. Too much.

"You're not the only one who has thought those things Moony. For eleven years I dreamed of what my parents looked like. I craved to hear their voices and feel myself in their embrace, but every taste of their love I got, it disappeared. The more I tried to hold onto the memories-the more they slipped away," Harry said as he walked up beside me and we both stared out into the sky.

"Do you think they wanted you to be so unhappy?"

His voice penetrated through to me. I wanted to scream and say if they didn't they wouldn't have gone off and died, but I knew the true answer, the true answer that brought warmth in me. I shook my head. "Can you make the pain go away?" I asked him.

"No. No one can. It'll stay with you forever, but you can make it easier." Harry's reply was truthful. I trusted him, but his words shattered a small piece of hope that had been burning inside of me. A single tear rolled down my cheek.

"I want to show you something," Harry said as he pulled out a pouch that hung around his neck. Putting his hand inside, he pulled out what seemed to be an ancient piece of parchment. His eyes scanned the page, and I noticed a glaze forming above them. What was it that aroused so much pain within?

Harry handed me the paper. It was turned over, so I couldn't see the side. I didn't want to look, but Harry motioned for me to do so. My heart beat faster, knowing that something special, a remedy for my uncertainties may be resting in my hand. I was afraid of what I would see-at the same time nervous. Temptation proved too hard to resist and I flipped it over.

It was a photograph. A photograph of a small baby boy with turquoise hair smiling through to the holder. It was a picture of me. I laughed as I looked into the eyes of my younger self, but could not come to think of a reason why this picture was so special to Harry. After all, Gran kept many pictures of my childhood years.

It seemed Harry had read my thoughts for not a minute later he spoke. "That picture belonged to your father. He carried it around everywhere he went and showed it to anyone who came his way. No matter the Order mission that picture always rested in his pocket-his reason to keep fighting for the greater good. Whenever he showed someone it, they knew that the baby boy in that photograph meant the world to him. His smile gave it all away."

My hold on the picture tightened. My Dad had once held onto this picture. It was my link to him and his to me. Maybe if I held on tight enough I could still fell a bit of his soul in it. I grasped it and brought it closer to me. I never wanted to let it go. "Dad…" I whispered.

"Harry," I spoke. "How did you get this?"

Harry looked down at me, watched me clutching at some of the last pieces of my family. His smile was one of sadness.

" I could tell you," he said, "Or I could show you."

He was crying.

**A/N: Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do now own it. **

Without looking back, Harry got up to leave the room, eyes evading any contact with me. He was nervous about something. He stopped abruptly at the door, wanting to leave but being held back by some invisible force.

_Harry stood at the edge of the forbidden forest, the place where he had talked to his family so many years ago, but it looked so different now. The sun illuminated the morning dew and the sky was a brilliant shade orange. A cool breeze passed through his hair and he closed his eyes to enjoy the feel of the moment. Deep into the forest he heard the sound of small animals awakening from their slumber. Everything was so calm, so utterly and beautifully calm. _

He was having a battle within himself, as I had done so many times before. I had squeezed out to hallway, so I was now facing him. His eyes were closed, but he didn't seem troubled, just remorseful. "Harry, if you don't want to tell me it's okay," I said. "I mean, I reckon if I've waited this long, I can wait a bit longer." He had no debt to pay. If anything I should I be the one making up for all that he has given me. I don't want to be the cause of his agony and grief. He shouldn't have to relive those dreadful memories for the sake of a troubled adolescent child.

"No Moony. This is the way it should be," he said before passing through my right into the living room where Gran lay asleep. Summoning a quill and parchment, he quickly scribbled a note and placed it on the coffee table. "Come on now Teddy. We're going through the Floo network. I'd take you by apparition, but quite personally I'm not fond of feeling like the universe is collapsing into you," he joked, but I wasn't even near him. I had run back to my room and pulled the covers off my bed and carried them back to the sofa where Gran lay. She looked so small and vulnerable. I covered her in the blanket and closed the light in the room, only leaving a single candle lit. I think I saw Harry smiling out of the corner of his eye.

"It's just that's she's been awfully sick lately and hasn't been herself. She's terribly weak and I just want her to get better soon," I whispered before heading over and grabbing a handful of floo powder from the mantle.

"Don't worry," Harry reassured me, "She'll be fine. If I've learned anything about your Grandmother all these years is that she's a fighter."

I smiled up at him and then at Gran, before stepping into the fireplace and yelling "Grimmauld Place". I fell through into the Potter's living room, covered in ashes, but was soon engulfed in a hug by Aunt Ginny.

"Teddy! How nice of you to come. Harry didn't mention you were coming! Oh I'm going to murder him! He always forgets stuff like that," she growled, rummaging through the refrigerator. "I would have at least made a decent meal, but of course a twenty minute warning is too much to ask for the Famous Boy Who Lived!" she raged, but she was laughing at the same time. That's what I love about Aunt Ginny-she can be in the middle of a tantrum and still find a way to laugh about. I knew she was only joking about murdering Harry, but the look on his face when he saw his wife as red as her hair, made him stay near close to the fireplace in case he needed to make a hasty exit.

"Um, Good Evening honey…um, Had a nice day?" Harry asked, slowly making his way to his wife. I resisted the urge to laugh. "Oh yes! Perfect! Taking care of two boys who are as mischievous as their father and a little girl is simple work you know. Oh and there was cleaning the house, doing the laundry, trying to stop James from flying his new broom through his bedroom window, trying to stop Lily from covering poor Albus in makeup, and doing the dishes!" she yelled, throwing the sponge at Harry's face, which resulted in a rather lime smelling, bubble covered man.

We all broke out laughing.

"Sorry you had a rough day sweetie," Harry replied quietly, head hanging in mock guilt as he approached Aunt Ginny, as if waiting for a hug. Aunt Ginny laughed at Harry's antics, but gave in eventually, giving Harry his much desired hug. "Now upstairs into the bath now. You smell rotten," she laughed, "but the soap does add a nice touch if I do say so myself."

"Oh does it now?" Harry asked, walked over to the sink and picking up a yellow dish water filled sponge.

"You. Wouldn't. Dare," Ginny said backing away deeper into the kitchen. "Oh yes I would," Harry replied, and broke into a run.

"Ah! Teddy!" Aunt Ginny screamed, clutching my robes and hiding behind me. "Don't worry Aunt Ginny, I'll save you," I said, picking up a half filled glass of milk from the counter and throwing it onto my Godfather's face. I think I got him absolutely unexpected for when I threw it his mouth was open in surprise and well, it all landed in his mouth. Not being able to keep it in, he spit it out. The milk dripped down his sweater and covered the floor.

"Oh wonderful," Harry choked. "Sob suds and milk."

Aunt Ginny and I were clutching our sides to stop the pain from the laughter.

"I think I'll take up your offer on that shower now Ginny," Harry said grabbing a kitchen towel off the counter and wiping his face. "And then payback time."

I stayed behind with Aunt Ginny to help clean up the mess we had made in such short amount of time. "Now that was the most entertaining thing that has happened in the past few days," Aunt Ginny laughed, grabbing the sponge off the counter as I mopped the floor. We were quiet for a few minutes and I could faintly hear the voices of Albus, James, and Lily upstairs. It seemed Harry was playing with them, them ecstatic that Daddy was finally home. They were probably waiting all day for those few minutes where Harry would hug them all and spin them through the air, maybe even have a little surprise hidden for each of them in his cloak. Aunt Ginny's voice broke through my trance. "So, how are you Teddy?"

"Oh, I'm fine," I lied.

"No you're not. You're a terrible liar, you know that, don't you?" she said, staring me down. Aunt Ginny's stares were something to be afraid of.

"No, honestly I'm fine. Just a little sad that is, but…but that always happens around the full moon," I replied, adding the last part in a faint whisper. Aunt Ginny looked up from the dishes and gave me a half smile, half frown of pity. She stepped towards me and pointed towards the small table. I smiled up at her, knowing what was about to come. It was a little secret tradition me and Aunt Ginny had made. Whenever I was feeling down as a boy, we would go and sit on that exact same table and talk. Aunt Ginny would always make hot chocolate and pour it in the biggest mugs she could find. Our silent rule was to never mention anything unhappy or that could be the impulse for depression. No, we'd talk about what I was like growing up. How Harry had taught me how to ride a broom. How once I threw their cat out the window when I was four. Stuff like that. This time wasn't going to be any different...maybe I was actually going to leave here happier than I thought...

Maybe.

"Teddy, I'm here when you're ready," Harry's voice echoed through the stairs into the kitchen.

I froze. This was it. I was finally going to find out what happened to my parents on the night of that fateful battle. I wasn't ready.

"Teddy, are you alright?" Aunt Ginny asked, standing up and placing her hand to my forehead. "You don't seem warm, but that look on your face..."

"No, I'm fine," shaking the feeling off. It was time I faced my fears, just as my parents had when they went off to fight. I wasn't going to hide anymore. "I better go. Harry wanted to show me something, but...we can still talk later,right?" I asked Aunt Ginny.

"Of course. I think Harry is up in his study," she said placing the two mugs in the sink.

I smiled at her and began the long walk up. I knew those stairs all too well. The fifth one always creaked. There was a stain of who knows what on the seventh. I noticed these small things once more as I walked up. Harry's study was the first room on the right and before I knew it I was standing right in front of it. I was about to knock, but Harry had already opened the door.

"Come on in, but don't get too comfortable. You're about to take a little trip down memory lane," he said to me, smiling. I gave him a questioning look and then scanned the room. Everything looked the same except for a large stone basin sitting in the center of the room.

"What is that?" I asked stepping closer, running my hands over the edges. Harry didn't seem to hear me. He was walking towards a small cabinet that I never noticed before. It seemed to be emitting a faint blue glow. He reached for the handle, but then stopped. "Moony, come here," he said to me. I walked over cautiously and stared at the cabinet.

"Open it," he whispered to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I slowly reached for the handle and pulled the cabinet open, making a small clicking noise. Inside were small vials filled with some liquid, or was it gas?

"What are they?" I asked, amazed by the sight.

"These are my memories," he said.

**A/N: Sorry for the late update and for not including the deaths of Remus and Tonks in this one(Definitely next chapter), but I wanted to include a bit of Ginny in here too. Please review. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own it.**

"Pensieve," I whispered in understanding. This was it. All the answers I had dreamed for, grasped at desperately for the past sixteen years were stowed away in this cabinet.

Harry reached past my shoulder and pulled three vials from the many that resided in the shelf, carrying them to the stone basin. Uncorking the top on each, he poured the three together and watched as they swirled into one. He motioned for me to come and sit in his chair and I obeyed. Kneeling down beside me Harry asked the question I knew was coming.

"Are you sure you want to do this Teddy?"

I nodded my head, finding myself unable to speak. This was really it.

Harry sighed. "These memories, most of them are mine. I've lived through them and have been forced to see them more than once. The few that aren't mine are those that were gathered in order to tie together the details of the war we didn't understand. I've tried my best to forget them. Some things are best left in the past. The thing is I want you to go into them, dive into them and see the answers that they offer you."

"You're not coming with me?" I asked Harry. I know it was selfish. I shouldn't make him relive his nightmares, but I was afraid to see them myself. I didn't want to be trapped in the horrors of the past alone.

"No Teddy. I'm sorry. I want to be there for you, but the truth of the matter is that I can't live through that again. There are happy moments, but the realization of what was lost is far greater. All those emotions, all that guilt that will arise...I just can't take that."

I nodded my head in understanding-I had to do this alone. "This is going to be different than anything you have ever seen. Be sure to keep your eyes open. Take in everything. It will be scary-I won't lie to you. No one would want me to show this to you, but you deserve to know the truth. Your parents would not want me protecting you from something that was...is such a great part of you," Harry said, slowly stepping away from the basin, so I could take his place. I pushed myself off the chair and strode over to where the blue light was still illuminating the room. This was really it.

"Please let this work," I slowly whispered and plunged myself in.

* * *

"I hope it works too Teddy, far more than you could possibly understand." Harry said, taking a seat on the chair in his office, head in his hands. 

_Watching the breeze blow against the grass. Watching the light rise in the horizon. Feeling the morning dew on the grass between his fingers. Feeling the sadness stab daggers into his heart. Looking onto the spot where his family had once stood. Looking to where they had whispered loving words to them. Hearing those words replay. Hearing his mother's whisper. Tasting the blood in the midst. Tasting the last moments of life. Resisting the urge to go forward and search for it. Resisting the urge to make all things right. So close to it all.  
_

* * *

It felt as if I was falling through the universe, through the air, but uncertain if there was a place to safely land. The world was spinning around me and I couldn't make out any images, any of my surrounding-but then everything slowed down and I fell to the ground. I was outside somewhere. I could feel the grass on my face and the cold night air filling my lungs. Where was I? One look into the distance and I knew the answer. 

The lighted towers of Hogwarts loomed in the night sky, stars visible in the darkness.

Up until then I was encompassed by an eerie silence, but what I had failed to realize were the deafening screams coming from within the forest. At that moment the world came to life. Spells were clashing all around me. Every now and then I knew two would meet and a light would blind all in its distance. Slowly, the light would dim revealing the victorious, while a crippled body lay on the floor. Who had won? Good or Evil? Maniacal laughter showed that the murderer enjoyed death. They would run on, wanting someone to cross their path so their night of entertainment would live on. The body they left behind would lie there, peacefully, until another crossed its path. A friend would move it and lay it to rest with all others who had given their life for the greater good, but a foe would torture it and symbolically make it a spectacle of their so called superiority. For them even their dead enemies would become subjects of humiliation.

How do I know this? I can feel it in the air.

The scene dissolves behind me and I soon find myself within the forest itself, a step closer to battle. People are running all around me, screaming, younger students crying…

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

I jump back. The curse can be heard through all screams, all pleas, all yells, but no one looks back to see who has fallen. No one notices a small blond boy fall at my feet, a camera hanging around his neck. They all continue to fight on, kicking bodies out of their way to make room for their own battle. Remorse for the past can only be felt in a better future. Now is what matters. I look down at the boy once more. What was his name? Was there anyone left to miss him? Had Harry known him? My mother? My father? He had been too young to die.

I would take his place in a heartbeat if I had the chance. It would have made both of us happier. I would die along side my parents and he would…just live on, surviving and living to see how that night had changed his world, but…

Teddy Lupin doesn't exist here.

I don't try and understand the complexities of being thrown into an event of the past where what I am now, isn't who I was then. And the the scene dissolves once more.I find myself deeper into the forest-the core of the battle.

"Tonks! What are you doing here?!" someone yells fiercely behind me.

The blood in my veins freezes.

"Mum?" I whisper.

I turn around sharply and see a man running to a woman with pink hair, blocking the curses that are aimed towards him. He refuses to break eye contact with her and I know the rest of the world does not exist to him anymore. He races on, and she realizes that she can't stand there anymore. Her wand in hand, she begins to scream jinxes towards all death eaters. Her magic is powerful as she duels with three. She seems invincible. Her cloak flows with her movements and I feel as if I'm watching a show and she is the flawless star.

I turn my head back to her husband. He too is now dueling once more, dueling to death. Five block his path to his wife and they take turns torturing him. Cruciatus curse after cruciatus curse. They feel no pity. He does not scream in pain, but begs for them to spare his wife. The one in the center looks sinister. Her face is pale with long black hair. Her head is cut, and fresh blood trails down her left cheek, some down to her lips. She licks them as if to taunt the werewolf that now lies in front of her.

"What will you do when you're wife is dead?" she asks, a smile creeping up her lips.

"Bellatrix I swear I will kill you if you touch her!" he cries out so she can hear him.

"Oh really, Remus?" she questions, kneeling down beside him. "Well, I don't think you will. You're a loner. You love no one because no one loves you," she sneers into his ear. Blood rushes to his face, anger rises within, and he struggles even harder to get free. "Go die," he whispers through clenched teeth.

The smile on Bellatrix's face falls and she lifts herself off the floor. She motions one of her friends to go stand behind Remus. The others go back to where the woman is still dueling. Within moments they return-dragging her body with them. She was no match for the power of six.

"Let her go! PLEASE LET HER GO!" the man begins to plead. He is shaking and his tears fall freely to the ground. At the sound of his voice, the woman looks up. She is still conscious, but her face is slightly bruised.

"Remus, take…take care of Teddy," she whispers, barely audible. The man looks shocked, his eyes glazed as he looks at his wife in understanding, but he refuses to accept the reality that the one he loves knows will soon be hers.

"Aww, are those your final words?" Bellatrix screams, exhilarated by the spectacle.

Both ignore Bellatrix. They exist only to each other.

"I love you," the woman whispers.

"Forever," the man says, one final tearing rolling down his eye.

"Aww, no more drama. You're making me sick. Pathetic half breeds and traitors. NOW FOR THE FUN PART!" Bellatrix yells. Two death eaters grab the man's shoulders while the third holds his face so he has no choice but to look straight ahead.

Bellaxtrix kneels down beside him once more. "I want you to look into your wife's eyes and watch her die. I want you to know that you couldn't save her. I want you to know that it's your fault your son will have no mother. I want you to watch her and realize that this piece of trash got what her filthy family deserved," Bellatrix whispers slowly. The man refuses to keep his eyes open. He is shaking to get free, but his strength left him long ago. He yells. He pleads for them to take his life instead, but this is the end.

He watches as Bellatrix steps behind his wife who is also held by three death eaters, so she too is staring into the eyes of her husband.

He stares at her and asks for her forgiveness. Begs her not to be angry. Promises to take care of their son. Tells her that he can't live without her. And then…

She smiles at him. With that simple smile, that simple reassurance that this was the end, all pain drains from his face. The entire world melts away for that second.

They are not invincible. They will die for the hope of a better world. Death is a dark victory.

"I love you," he says quietly.

Their battle ends here.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Bellatrix screams through laughter.

Her body falls to the ground slowly. Her head hits the floor. Her hair goes from pink to black. Her robes spread around her body. Her smile is still on her face.

My mother is dead.

My father screams in agony. I scream in agony.

I run over to her body and reach forward to touch her face, but my hands go straight through. "NO! I scream. I try to lift her, hug her, but I can't. Frustration boils inside of me, she is so close but so far. She is dead in more than once sense.

She is truly gone.

**A/N: Sorry about the really late update. Really really sorry. Hope this chapter was liked. A little longer than usual?**

**Please review. More to come soon. Poor Remus. –Sigh-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. **

I hate Harry for doing this to me.

I despise him with a passion.

I'd kill him for making me see this.

I want to tear out my eyeballs. Pierce them out with a knife if I could. Maybe then I wouldn't have to see my mother's lifeless eyes staring up at the stars and hear my father's sobs…they're tearing through me right now like bullets and I can't bloody do anything about it! The exhilaration of seeing them…really seeing them for the first time is gone! She is gone! GONE! And do you want to know what the worst part is!?

I know he will be gone soon too…

Going through pain like this twice is just plain cruel.

I bury my head in my hands and stay seated next to mum's body. I want this memory to dissolve now! I want to go back! I want to leave! I can't control my emotions… I feel as if I will explode from anger. From frustration…from…sadness. Do you know what would make me happy right now? If these deatheaters will look me in the eye. Look me in the eye so I could grab their throats and murder them with my bare heads. Revenge.

…Or should I just let them kill me? I'll give myself up. One curse and I'll be able to see them again. I wonder…I wonder if mum and dad will recognize me…and I don't think the killing curse hurts all that much…it's sorta like…like immediate death-an immediate reunion for me. I'd like that.

I think I'm mental.

I know I must be mental!

I know they can't see me! And…I know mum and dad wouldn't want me to die. They would have wanted me to survive and live my life fully…but the thought of seeing them…feeling mum's hugs…Dad teaching me magic…NO! NO! NO!

Get a grip on yourself Teddy!

I give one last glance over to Mum and I pull myself up. When did I start shivering? I wipe my tears on the sleeve of my sweater and walk over to Dad. He is lying on his knees trying to pull away from the deatheaters that hold him.

He too is shaking uncontrollably. I want to comfort him like a son should be able to. Tell him that everything will be okay, even though I'd be lying through my teeth. Should I just walk away? Not watch the inevitable? It feels as though I should but something keeps my feet glued to the ground. Something forces me to control my fear, rage, and depression and enter the calm.

It does not last long.

"TONKS!" Dad screams, struggling fiercely. "LET ME GO!" he sobs. "LET ME GO TO HER!" he yells, breaking down at their knees. The woman, Bellatrix, walks over to him and smiles. She smiles that wretched smile.

She points her wand at my mother's body, but does not once turn around to see the work of her cruelty as my mother's body is flung farther back-slamming into a tree-then the ground…her limp form….so dead.

Anger can accomplish the impossible feat when channeled. Dad breaks from the grips of those inhuman hands and suddenly springs toward Bellatrix, throwing her against the trunk of a tree. He pulls his wand out from her grasp and points it at her throat. I can see the words threatening to escape from his lips. Two words that will take the life of his loved one's murderer.

And then the flash comes from behind. From a man. I do not recognize him, but I do not need to place a name with a face to know who I hate.

The green light that will haunt my nightmares.

And the world slows down once more.

My father's body seems to take an eternity to the hit the blood stained ground. As his form lowers, the relieved face of Bellatrix reveals itself.

I do not hear the final thud.

I do not hear the deatheater's victory cheers.

I hear nothing except my heart beating within.

Hear my heart skip a beat when I see them lying on the ground together.

Dead.

I run away.

Far, far away. I do not notice what surrounds me. It doesn't exist. Everything is a blur-a complete blur.

I cannot even bring myself to cry.

The silhouette of Hogwarts looms ahead.

And then…it is no longer night.

The sun blazes overhead and I stand on a beach. I can feel the sand beneath my feet and taste the ocean in my mouth. On the ground beside me is a grave.

**A/N: Ah. I know you guys must hate me for not updating in such a long time. Feel free to yell. I'll try not to do it again. On another note-Please Review! The next chapter will lighten the air a bit. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. I do not own the quotes from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows either. **

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore is distant as I take in a choked breath. Where am I? Where is anyone…?

Up until now I had only looked ahead towards the ocean, disregarding all that was behind me, as I had done most of my life…but I was compelled to find some sign of why I was sent here-

And then of course there is the grave that lies beside my feet.

I kneel down next to it and only then notice the shovel that has been thrown beside it.

Someone had put their own blood and sweat into digging it themselves. Someone had loved the person, grieved the person that no longer knew the meaning of life. This grave was new, freshly dug. The earth around it is still soft, not hardened by time. The grass and flowers have not yet begun to engulf it. Death plagued it recently-and the body of whoever lies underneath is probably still flesh below the ground.

A shiver runs up my spine.

And then there is the name…the name that marks the gravestone…it seems so familiar…yet I cannot grasp why…

HERE LIES DOBBY, A FREE ELF

…Dobby…Where had I heard it before? I do not remember-and I'm not even sure if I want to…I do not believe ignorance is bliss-but I know that it is numbing.

That is what I need.

To forget.

Forget it all.

Everything.

Why did Harry send me here? Where was the person to whom this memory belonged? I look far into the distance and then see something I had missed before- a cottage, with the silhouettes of a few people seen through the window. That is where I have to go, so I begin to walk. It takes only a few minutes for me to reach the door, and I am about to knock, silly of me I know-but then I here footsteps coming up from behind me. I turn around swiftly and there stands…Dad. Perfectly healthy. Perfectly alive. Perfectly himself. A smile is stretched across his face and joy radiates from him.

I have been dropped further into the past.

But I do not feel sad. His face erases any memory of the last few hours. His happiness leaks onto me and I feel the pain in my heart subside- the pressure that has been pushing at my chest making it difficult for me to breathe-simply disappears.

I smile.

Dad runs up to the door and starts knocking hard, banging. If I had not seen his face I would have felt something was terribly wrong, but I knew otherwise.

Someone begins to talk on the other side, and Dad responds. I do not hear their words, but when the door opens, I slip inside before Dad does-to hear what he has to say properly.

The house is crowded and I recognize some of the faces. Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron are standing side by side, looking worried by my father's sudden appearance. My eyes scan the room and I see a woman. She looks so much like Victoire...but I know it to be her mother-Fleur. I turn around expecting to see Bill, and I do. He is slowly closing the door and watching Dad. They are all waiting to hear the horrid news that they expect my father has come to deliver.

The silence must be painful for them.

"It's a boy! We've named him Ted, after Dora's father!" my fathers screams across the room.

The air in the room calms.

Aunt Hermione squeals in joy and soon everyone surrounds him offering their congratulations. It feels so odd watching all of this. Watching all these people celebrate my birth. They all look so happy, and yet there is a war raging just outside their door. They all seem so excited by the fact that a new member has been added to their extended family-but do they not once realize the risk of having a child in times of war…how it could leave the little boy that they are all so…joyous about…scarred? Apparently not, for if it did Teddy Lupin would have a mother right now. He would actually be able to see his father smiling happily in real life.

My eyes do not once leave my father's face. I follow him as he moves across the room towards Harry. Harry, who I had not seen until then. Harry who seems apprehensive of my father for some reason, but then Dad pulls Harry into a hug and I can feel the jealousy start to boil within me. What I wouldn't give to see my father smile at me and know that he is proud to have me as his son…what I wouldn't give to take Harry's place for those few mere seconds where I can feel secure in the arms of my father…

But some things are just impossible.

Then Dad releases Harry and asks him a question. He wants Harry to be my godfather. I wait to hear his response. I know he says yes, but I just want to know that he was happy to accept me as a responsibility-I just want to know that he didn't see me as a burden. I step closer to hear-but then once again all dissolves around me…

I am in Hogwarts again, near the entrance to the Great Hall. It is quieter than usual-but the corridors are filled with people. Something is wrong, I can sense it…and then I begin to realize…

I am back in the midst of battle. Banisters broken. Blood stains the floor-and then two boys about my age carry in the body of my dead father…

**A/N: Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays! **

**Another chapter and I've already starting working on the next. If you guys have suggestions please feel free to tell me. Any twists you want to see? Tis all. Please review! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. **

"Shh, quiet dear," Andromeda whispered, carrying a small bundle in her arms. She tried to hush the poor child, but it seemed his mother was the only one who could quiet him when he was feeling such. Then of course there was the poor boy's father. How she had loved her daughter, prayed for her happiness, but some wishes it seemed, were not destined to come true.

She remembered every moment of her daughter's life. The day she was born. Her first birthday. Her first spell. She remembered tucking her little angel under the covers, pulling the blanket up to her chin, and then picking up her daughter's favorite book from the bedside table.

"_Mummy, can you please read the part with the wehwolf again? Please Mummy!" her tiny voice squeaked. Andromeda pulled the chair closer to her daughter's bed, bringing her hand forward to move aside some of the few stray hairs that covered her daughter's beautiful face. _

"_Sweetie, I don't want you to have nightmares. How about a different story, out of that wonderful book Daddy got you?" her mother whispered, but the anxious girl quickly threw the covers off her tiny body and jumped off the bed. She opened her eyes wide and tried to convince her mother otherwise. _

"_But Mommy! I love the book that Uncle Sirius sent me! And I promise I won't get scared! Because guess what mommy? I was thinking last night and I thought maybe wehwolfs aren't that bad. I mean they're people too! And Daddy always says to be nice to all people!" the girl spoke, book in hand as she flipped through the pages looking for the part that she so desperately wanted to hear. "Please Mummy?" she pouted, handing the opened book to her mother. _

"_Sweetie, werewolves having feelings too, but they're dangerous animals and we have to stay away from them. They can hurt us. Sometimes we have to think about how doing the right thing could hurt the people around us. How would Mommy feel if you got hurt?" Andromeda whispered to her daughter. _

Dora went to bed crying that night. She had forgotten about that day for many years. It was just a piece of the past-but then the memory had surfaced again, on the day of her daughter's wedding. She would think about that night constantly, always wondering if she had taught her daughter well, yet never able to answer the question herself. Andromeda sat down next to her grandson's crib. "Funny how things work out?" she whispered. She did not wipe away the tear that fell down her cheek. She took in a choked breath and pulled herself off the chair and looked around the boy's nursery. It used to be Dora's old room. She had kept it the same for so many years. Her little girl. Her Princess. It only seemed right that Teddy should live in it now that…now that Dora was gone. She would silently hope that the boy would gain some of his mother's joy, confidence, and compassion, some of her spirit would find its way into Teddy's heart.

Andromeda walked over to the dresser that was now hidden in the shadows. She flicked on the lamp and pulled out Teddy's new pajamas-black with little bears on them. Remus had gotten them for Teddy the day before he died. The instant this thought passed through her mind, Andromeda threw the pajamas back in the drawer, as if they were something she could not afford to touch. She pulled out another pair-turquoise, to match his hair. She walked back to the crib, but a sudden creak in the floor stopped her, a sudden creak right under where Dora's bed used to be. Curiosity overtaking her, she put the pajamas on the rocking chair next to the door and knelt down on her knees. She felt around for the loose floorboard. Finding it, Andromeda pulled it up only to discover Dora's secret treasure hidden underneath the floor.

Her favorite book.

She gently picked up the book, the fragile treasure of her daughter's heart that had been left behind. The wetness that stained her aging cheeks was not wiped away. Her tears began to soak the cover of the book.

Lifting herself off the floor, Andromeda walked back to Teddy's crib and sat down on her favorite chair. She stared at that book for what seemed like ages, until the sounds of Teddy's whines awoke her from her trance.

"Shh, I'm still here," she whispered to the small baby, the sounds of his ceaseless crying vibrated against the walls. "Would you like to hear a story?" she asked the child as she pulled him out of his crib. With the feel of her touch, he quieted. Teddy turned to look at his grandmother, large brown eyes brimming with tears, his lower lip still trembling. The looks of his face made Andromeda's heart ache. What she wouldn't give to give away his pain. She settled herself on the rocking chair and grabbed the book that she had found hidden underneath the floorboard. Settling Teddy on her lap, she flipped open to the center of the book, and out fell a picture. Andromeda quickly picked the aged paper off the floor, stared at the colorful world her daughter had created so many years ago. It was a painting, it was a painting of a little girl sitting in the middle of a park with her mother, having a picnic. Sitting next to the girl was a werewolf, one wearing a large smile on his face.

They looked so happy. She traced their smiles with her finger, refusing to cry, refusing to show her regret, her weakness.

She slipped the picture back into the book and began looking frantically for the words she hadn't seen in ages.

And there it was.

The story of the wolf.

She had never finished it. She felt disgusted by it, but now she saw it in a new light. She whispered the tale to her grandson.

"Once upon a time…"

* * *

Sixteen years later Andromeda would lie on the sofa outside of Teddy's old nursery, thinking of that exact moment in time. She would smile to herself and then drift into an eternal sleep, her last thoughts about the tale of the werewolf that fell in love with the beautiful princess and lived happily ever after.

**A/N: Please Review! Time never stops, even when Teddy is in the pensieve.  
**

**Thanks for all the reviews! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. **

I'd like to believe this was all a dream, or perhaps a nightmare. That any second I'd wake up and be at home with my grandmother, but do you want to know the truth? I can't believe it because I know this all happened for a reason.

Yes, I may have said I hated Harry a few hours ago, but what is there to hate? It wasn't because of him that all of this happened. He was the one who stopped it from getting...

…Stopped me from losing...

…He isn't the one to blame.

I love him. Hatred for things that cannot be changed sometimes escape with our feelings.

I follow the two boys into the Great Hall. The room is filled with people running back and forth, looking for loved ones, friends. Every now and then I can hear a pained scream coming from a mother who has discovered her son is dead, or a brother looking down at the sibling he will never prank again. As I walk down this hall, a hall that never seemed so long before, I see things I'd rather not. It's not the fact that I am surrounded by bodies, it is the mere image of their faces that will haunt me forever. I want to reach over and close their eyes, the lifeless eyes staring up at the starless night, but I can't. Do you want to know what's even more frightening? As I look upon the faces of those carrying the bodies in, all I see is dullness, as if all hope is lost. They are lifeless beings doing what must be done, trying to block out the pain which they must carry. I can tell they want to grieve, but they can't. I can tell they want to cry but they won't allow themselves to be weakened just yet. The fight has not ended.

My parents are lain on a table. I walk over to them and sit down. I want to say so much. I want to speak to them, learn who they were. I want someone to heal them. I want to reassure them that I'm alright, but only one thing manages to escape my lips,"Goodbye".

I'm not crying anymore. I've sucked it up and realized that it's time to keep on living. I want to leave this haunted house of memories and just live for today and stop being traumatized by the past.

But I can't leave. It's not so much that I can't, it's more like being in a story that I want to see the end of. I've made it this far and Gran always says that every story has a happy ending. So that must apply to me too, right?

I wander aimlessly into the dark, empty halls of the school. Everything is so _lifeless. _Everyone it seems is crowded around the Great Hall waiting for it all to end.

I wait for the scene to change. It must be soon now. What more must I witness? The dead bodies of those that I have heard stories about ever since I was young? Uncle Fred? Colin Creevey? My parents were enough.

And then I see it. There's more to this moment in time.

I see Harry crouching beside Professor Longbottom. They both look so young. Too young to be fighting a war. Too young to be so alone.

Harry whispers something to him and I don't bother getting closer because I know what his words were, are.

Kill the snake. The last piece of the puzzle.

I began running to where I know my godfather is headed-death.

I sprint out of the castle, this is it.

I can feel it.

Why Harry sent me into the pensieve.

The part of the story that he never told the Wizarding World.

I can't see Harry but I can hear his faint steps against the cold ground. I keep walking towards the outline of the Forbidden Forest, waiting for _something_ to happen. An unexpected ally. A secret waiting to be told.

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. As to the last chapter, yes Andromeda died while Teddy was in the Pensieve. **

**Sorry about the late, late update. **

**Hope you like this chapter. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. Quotes taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  
**

In the distance I can see Hagrid's hut. Hagrid…

He was like an Uncle to me growing up, no, more like a big loving grandfather.

I have known Hagrid for as long as I can remember. The memories of spending Friday afternoons at Hogwarts drinking tea and eating, as Harry called them, the _inedible delicacies_ bring a smile to my impassive face as I walk to the edge of the forbidden forest.

Hagrid had mentioned many times how much I reminded him of Harry. I was like him in every way. Brave. Stubborn. Loyal. A Gryffindor. That talented kid. That amazing wizard-yet with this whole other me I kept hidden inside.

"Most people don't see it," Hagrid had laughed once, "But ye can't hide another Potter from meh!"

I had laughed it off then. I had felt proud then.

Then. Not now. Not later. He had called me a Potter.  
I wasn't a bloody Potter! I was a Black! I was, am, a Lupin!

Harry is my godfather. That's it. I may love him like a father, but they keep making me forget! I don't want to forget them! My _REAL_ parents! I want to be Remus Lupin's son. I want _them_ to compare me to _him_! My father! But all they see in me of dad's is my looks. It bugs me death but I have learned to shrug it off. I know that I will never let their memory fade and that is _all_ that matters.

That's why I'm here. I want to put their memory to peace at last. An adventure, that's what Dad would call it.

And then my imagination takes over…

Mom and Aunt Lily would jump in saying this was most definitely not an adventure, but a form of mourning and grief.

Padfoot would stand in the doorway casually, leaning against the frame, and mumble some witty comment claiming that "the wives" had softened the manly marauder atmosphere. Mom would smack her cousin across the head, at the same time yelling something about her cousin being a lonely old wifeless bat for the rest of eternity and forever.

A true insult! Dad would snicker in the corner as he saw his wife beat his old friend with a towel rag.

Sirius, truly offended, would go pout in a little corner until James, feeling pity for his old friend would come over and give Sirius a good scratch behind the ears. Sirius would eventually come out of his "phase", but of course would retaliate by giving Mum the silent treatment. Mom, being the stubborn woman that she was would give Sirius her own treatment of silence. They would go on and on and on until James would grow so exasperated that he'd stick them both in the basement until they came to an agreement.

They would be in there for a while. Stubbornness must run in the family.

I smile at the memories that never had a chance to exist.

I'm at the edge of the forest now. It's cold. Too cold. Dementors. Bloody dementors!

A shiver runs down my spine and I instinctively pull the cloak tighter around my body. All happiness sucked out of the moment.

Harry is silhouetted against the darkness ahead. I move closer to my seventeen year old godfather. He is pale. His eyes are lifeless, as if all hope is gone. He stares at the dementors and I can tell he feels too weak to fight them but realizes the desperate need to push forward. Suddenly there is a spark in his eyes. Before I realize what is happening there is small hint of gold in Harry's hand.

A snitch. A Golden snitch.  
Harry fingers it. I want time to speed up, while I know he is begging for it to slow down. Trembling, Harry raises the golden orb to his lips and whispers the words that make my blood turn to ice.

_"I am about to die."_

The grounds are empty and the sound of the snitch breaking open pierces the night. I reach into my cloak for my wand on instinct, but the words "Lumos" have already escaped Harry's lips.

Between the two halves of the broken snitch lay a jagged black stone cracked along a vertical line in the center. On the stone lies a triangle, with a small circle within it.

A look of realization dawns upon Harry's face, but I am completely and utterly lost.

This is one part of the story I have never heard.

My eyes are glued to Harry. He turns the stone in his hand three times. Whatever it is that he is doing makes no sense. I stare waiting for something to happen. Waiting…

And then I hear the whispers.  
Is Harry going to be attacked?

But Harry doesn't look panicked. He looks…peaceful?  
I follow the path of his eyes, but I see nothing. There's no one-

"Dad?" The question escapes through a whimper.  
Remus Lupin strides gracefully towards me, very much alive. He smiles and I feel my heart tighten as he approaches me. He is smiling. He looks so young. He's not dead...

I want to run toward him, I want him to hug me. I want to cry, but I stiffen and try to make sense of reality.

My father's eyes are not on me, but on Harry.

_"Does it hurt?" _Harry whispers.

I hear the voices again, but I see no one except Dad.

Dad.

My Dad.

_"And he will want it to be quick. He wants it over."_ The voices die down and I hear Dad clearly. His voice sounds so much like mine. I search his eyes. Does he even see me? Of course he doesn't…

_"I didn't want you to die. Any of you. I'm sorry…right after you'd had your son," _My head snaps towards Harry, _"Remus, I'm sorry…"_

I walk towards my father. I stare right into his eyes, silently pleading for something, anything, that will help me. And then he slowly opens his mouth, pondering on what he should say next, like I do at times. Is he going to speak to me? I want to grab him and shake him and hate him for leaving me alone in the world, but I can't. I love him too much.

And then Dad looks straight past me to the eye's his best friend's son, unaware that his own son stands inches from him.

_"I am sorry too, sorry I will never know him…but he will know why I died and I hope he will understand. I was trying to make a world in which he could live a happier life."_

His words, his reason to leave me, everything, seeing him, it's all too much...

I collapse onto the floor. I stare up at my father, but he is fading. I reach out to him, I want to hold onto him, but he's glowing now. He's leaving again. I'm crying. I'm begging. I need him. I'm sobbing. He's fading.

"Daddy," I whisper. And then blackness.

**A/N: Thanks for all the amazing reviews! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter.  
**

** Any suggestions for the story? Where it should go? On another note-Breaking Dawn is almost here!  
**


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